George Clue Knee is reportedly in the studio with producer Jorge Martin, working on a remix of “Baby’s Drinkin’ Genesee (I’m Drinkin’ Iron City)”. The still unreleased VWS album is in a state of limbo. “I’m tired of sitting in Jerry’s Tavern (Carrolltown, PA) and drinking,” said Mr. Knee. “Besides, I’m banned from the La Jose Hotel for fighting with Fitz.”
VWS drummer Howard Sternum has announced that he’ll cancel drum clinics in La Jose, PA, the band’s hometown, due to swine flu. “I’m not sure if any of the participants had eaten any Mexican food, but I’ve sworn off tacos and Taco Bell. That’s my little contribution. Should I risk the band’s health to make a few bucks? I think not.” When it was suggested that Sternum might be confused about how swine flu spreads, he bristled: “Look…I occasionally watch Brian Williams before Wheel comes on at 7.”
Asked in an interview about the nationalization of banks, Sternum said, “Hey…should banks be allowed to do business all over the nation? You bet.”
Sternum also said that he’s proud to be part owner of General Motors. “Dude, where’s my dividend check?”
Joaquin Phoenix is giving up acting to become a hip-hop star. Since he can do it, I figure I can too. I’m thinking of giving up VWS to become a hip-hop star. I hate hip-hop (even more than RL) but that’s just a minor detail. Maybe I can get into the hip-HIP realm of the music business; you know, forget the hop. Or if I’m really lucky, the hip-hip-hooray charts.
Stupid bastard. I loved “Walk the Line” but he can’t sing to save his life. And the smart man would’ve stayed with that first wife. Reese Witherspoon is pretty smooth, but that brunette who played Vivian What’s-Her-Name…hoooeeeee! Too much money, too much spare time for people like Walkeen Pheenix. If I knew him I’d probably think he was a dick. But, life goes on.
Official word has been recieved from the Obama White House that VWS guitarist Fitz J. Kennedy’s composition won’t be used by the administration. Kennedy’s original piece for the piano is entitled Obama, Yo Mama and is in the classical vein.
In a press release dated January 24th, Kennedy said, ”I’m disappointed that they passed on the tune but I’m psyched that Barack likes the band. And I feel like the economy’s better already. You know? And the global warming thing’s improving too. I mean, it’s been goddamned cold around here.”
The White House press office had no comment.
VWS drummer Howard Sternum was arrested at an anti-Bush rally after burning Gavin Rossdale in effigy. Police in Washington, DC took Sternum into custody shortly before noon on January 20th. He was charged with drunk and disorderly conduct and illegally starting a fire.
After bail was posted by Vanna White Stripes manager Pawl McCartrey, Sternum said that his anti-Bush feelings ran back to 1994 when the band released their album Sixteen Stone. Sternum said, “I really hated the single Glycerine. And when Gavin Rossdale married Gwen Stefani, I was finished with that band for good.”
No trial date has been set.
Filed under: Music
Christmas turned into a real adventure for VWS drummer Howard Sternum. We’ll let Howard take the reins from here…
“I decided to get my girlfriend Wilma a pair or rollerblades. We don’t really have a place where she can use ‘em, but still, what a great gift, right? How many of those foam beer-holder things can you buy for someone? My back seat is full of ‘em. But I digress.
Since we don’t have many sporting goods stores close by, I wanted to buy the rollerblades online. I didn’t even think of ebay. That could have saved me some money. Damn…Why didn’t I think of that? Oh…Anyway, I wanted to buy the rollerblades online and send ‘em to her house. So, Dick’s Sporting Goods was my first thought.
Listen, I eventually got a super pair of blades—used—from this dude in Mahaffey. But here’s the thing: When you go to dicks.com, you ain’t gonna find rollerblades. Tttt…I know, I know. I’m just warning you…”
Filed under: Music
The boys drove to New York on January 2nd, excited to play their first gig at CBGB, the legendary venue on the Bowery. George Clue Knee explains it like this:
“When we got there the club was closed. I’m not sure how something like this could have happened.”
Regardless, the band is in negotiations as we speak, anxious to book another show in the Big Apple. Pawl McCartrey, manager of Vanna White Stripes, says another CBGB show is forthcoming.
Filed under: Music
The boys of Vanna White Stripes are still working on the album release, plagued with indecision and apathy. Fitz and George are fighting over the title of the CD. Fitz is gunning for ”There’s a Problem in Flyover Country and We’re It” while George prefers “There’s Something in the Water.”
Music will be posted at www.myspace.com/vannawhitestripes very soon because the record company is getting tired of waiting for product.
